You know you've been in Indonesia too long

Someone sent this to me a while ago, and I have to say that I can relate to almost every single one of these.

• You too believe traffic lanes, stop signs and one way streets are mere suggestions and that sidewalks were meant to drive on or they wouldn't have paved them.
• You can drive 60 kmh two inches from cars on either side of you, but cannot back into a parking space in an empty lot without two guys yelling “Kiri…Kiri Terus, Terus, Terus…”
• You stop wondering why the concept of turning lanes never occurred to traffic engineers in Jakarta
• You stop wondering if the concept of traffic engineers ever occurred to anyone in Jakarta
• You can kill cockroaches with your bare feet
• The footprints on the toilet seat are your own
• You no longer wait in line, but immediately go to the head of the queue
• It has become exciting to see if you can get on the elevator before anybody else can get off
• You're willing to pay to use a toilet you wouldn't go within a kilometer of at home
• You no longer wonder how someone making US$200 per month can drive a Mercedes
• You have considered buying a motorcycle for the next family car
• You walk to the pub with your arm around your mate
• You answer the telephone with “Hello” more than 2 times
• You are quite content to repeat your order six times in a restaurant that only has four items on the menu
• You regard it as part of an adventure when the waiter exactly repeats your order and the cook makes something completely different
• A T-bone steak and rice sounds just fine
• If when listening to the pilot prove he can't speak English, you no longer wonder if he can understand the Air Traffic Controllers
• You find it saves time to stand and retrieve your cabin baggage while the plane is on final approach
• You're not surprised when three men with a ladder show up to change a light bulb
• Taxi drivers understand you
• You own a rice cooker
• You can shake your hands almost perfectly dry before wiping them on your pants
• When crossing a busy street you believe that a limp wrist motion with your right arm creates a force field that repels oncoming traffic
• You think it's logical to dry your hands with Kleenex
• When dining at a mexican restaurant, the table next to you is occupied by an overweight, bald, fifty-something Australian petroleum worker who has each of his arms around a teenaged Sundanese girl
• You find yourself getting upset with inflation because the price of the buffet in a five-star hotel is now nearly ten dollars
• Going out for a drink with your coworker, he shows up with his girlfriend, even though you are on a first name basis with his wife
• Someone tells you that 10 kbs is a pretty good download speed
• You find a fly in your Bintang, and you fish the fly out with a spoon and drink it anyway
• You are no longer confused when you are asked if you want some 'beep bacon' (beef bacon) with your eggs.
• A bathroom with four attendants is so disgustingly filthy that you wouldn't step into it back home ... and one of those attendants sole job is to hand you flimsy, single-ply toilet paper to dry your hands.
• You look left, right, backwards, forwards, up and down before crossing a one way street.
• You take a book to read on the journey to work
• You carry tissues in your pocket for 'emergency stops'
• The term "Blok M" starts sounding like a glittering venue for shopping and nightlife rather than part of a concentration camp
• The titles "Mr. Bob" and "Miss Barbara" begin to sound normal to you

The offshore rig

I've become rather slack in updating my blog, but better late than never I think.

 So if you have read my past entries you will know how much I hate the land rigs in Indonesia.  They are dirty, they constantly smell like something has died and is rotting right underneath you.  If you are fortunate enough to have running water, it comes out brown and smells horrible.  The bathroom is an adventure in itself since you are considered lucky to have a bacteria ridden toilet.  The food is inedible at best, mostly consisting of soups (refer to the previous comment about the brown water).  Yeah you get the point.  After being on a land rig for a month I was extremely happy to hear that I would be sent offshore.


View of the rig from the boat

The first rig I went to was somewhere in the Java sea.  This was an old BP rig and had many of my fellow North Americans on it.  I shared a bedroom with one of the other female engineers I was working with and it came equipped with it's very own semi-private bathroom.  The food was amazing and instead of goats intestines and brown soup we were served things like lasagna, and tacos!  There was ice cream 24/7 as well as fruits and vegetables.  I was sad that I had to say goodbye to that rig and all of my new North American friends on Christmas day and head back to Jakarta.

Offshore accommodation

The next rig I went to was for an exploration well on a Chinese rig, also in the Java Sea somewhere.  This time the boat ride out took 24 hours, and since it was a small boat and rough seas that was an adventure on its own.  Our crew included another international employee, and lucky for me she was from China.  Turns out she was more valuable than gold on this rig as the crew was almost entirely Chinese and spoke no English.  Even with a language barrier, it was still easy to see that every one was just as friendly as the previous location.  The rig was brand new (aka clean) and even came with our own flat screen tv's in our room.  The food was a little sketchy at best, and we were served some weird shit like turtle soup, buffalo skin (with hair still attached), chicken neck stir fry, etc., so I  was happy to find toast and peanut butter available 24/7.  During my two week stay I had a sinus infection.  When I went to see the rig doctor (who happens to moonlight as the chef) he diagnosed me with too much internal heat (I still don't know what that means) and gave me some Chinese herbs to clear that up, and no they didn't help.  Whenever we had any free time on the rig I worked on my ping-pong skills, which improved drastically after we had a 2 days of no drilling. 

Unfortunately I am writing this from a land rig in Indonesia, but I guess I have to take some bad with the good.  Plus, my fear of insects has almost completely disappeared after constantly being attacked by them.

Macet = Traffic

The traffic in Jakarta is amazing.

First of all, There don't seem to be any rules, it's just a free for all / bravest car wins sort of thing. I have yet to see a stop sign and usually the roads are just complete gridlock. Especially on Mondays, Fridays, anytime before or after work and all day on the weekend.

Jakarta, being the city of entrepreneurial spirit that it is, has these "volunteers" that stand out on the road and direct traffic for donations. You pay them 1000 or 2000 rph for walking out into the road and stopping oncoming traffic so you can go.   Basically that's equivalent to giving someone 10-25 cents everytime you want to make a turn where there is no traffic light.

Most of the time walking would be faster, but anytime there is even a hint of a sidewalk it is used to put a little store on or drive on.

Taking the bus here is another adventure on it's own and not advisable during traffic. While Jakarta does have a public transit system, most of the buses that connect to that are privately owned. These "ankats" look like a hollowed out minivan but even smaller. When the metal benches fill up inside, you can just hang off the side of the bus and hitch a ride. Prices range from 2000 to 3000rph (around 25 cents), but there us no air-conditioning and you are lucky to get a seat jammed in between two strangers. The best part is that these buses never actually stop and Jakarta locals are really good at simultaneously jumping out of the left side of a moving bus with all their belongings while handing the driver sitting on the right hand side the correct payment.  Having attempted this myself I can honestly say that it is no small feat.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Location:Jalan Tol Lingkar Luar Jakarta,Jakarta Capital Region,Indonesia